its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
