I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
