Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
