You work out of a Hotel?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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