She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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