So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
