It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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