Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
