And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
