I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
