Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
