I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
