I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I looked at my own cervix.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
