Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
