Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
