For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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