woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You may now shotgun with the bride
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
