I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love having hate sex.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
