I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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