Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
