My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
