Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
