Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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