There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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