Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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