so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
