I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
