I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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