just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
