Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
