He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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