from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
