i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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