I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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