I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
