I have demons in me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
