i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm passing your future prison.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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