it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
