He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
