i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Terrible idea I love it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
