Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
