i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
