So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
