a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
