Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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