it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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