girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
