I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am one with the molecules
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
