i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
