My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
