Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
