I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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