Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
